Flicker Page 9

Scooting under the rack of clothes, she pulled me into her lap and kissed one cheek, then the other, then my forehead before she repeated it all again. My heart swelled with joy and love at this strange woman. I wanted to throw my arms around her and clutch her tightly to me—cry on her shoulder and let her fix all my problems.

  A thump on my desk broke my weird trance. Sitting directly in front of me was a bowl of pasta salad, a Dr. Pepper, and a chicken salad sandwich. Telor was back at his spot at the table, writing away. How long had I been staring off into space? I racked my brain, trying to place the memory, and came up blank.

  “Thank you,” I said. Telor was the only one around so I was hoping he knew I was talking to him. He didn’t say anything, or even acknowledge that I’d spoken.

  Well then. Talk about mixed signals. I grabbed the assortment of food and headed toward an empty table so I didn’t have to make room on my already cluttered work area to eat.

  “You’re welcome,” he said, finally, in a defeated voice, and his shoulders slumped.

  Telor 14

  The place was crawling with Guides when I headed in to work. They passed right by me like I wasn’t there. They were looking for something. Had Tori noticed that Catalina was still alive? Or had she noticed I was missing? Both scenarios were equally possible.

  The Guides weren’t aggressively searching, like they would if they were sent to retrieve a wayward soul. They mostly seemed curious, just standing on the sidewalks outside the museum. Some even ventured to look in the windows, though not a single one entered the building.

  I planned on skipping out on the rest of the day, telling Seline I didn’t feel well and watching from afar. My head needed to stay clear and in the game, which was impossible around her. I was constantly fighting myself from trying to find a reason to touch her, be near her. A feat that was proving easier said than done since Seline seemed to want us working together. And with all these Guides loitering, I needed to keep her close, regardless of how hard it was to stay outwardly indifferent toward her. With my original plan out the window, my new one was more of a learn-as-you-go. I dodged a bullet with her not going out for lunch today. Now I just had to tackle the walk home. Looked like I was going to be verging on stalker tonight. Again. Though, unlike most stalkers, I tended not to peer into her windows. I just kept watch outside.

  Realistically speaking, sleeping outside her house should have been a huge pain in my arse. While I tried to think I only liked it because it gave me something to do, I wasn’t even kidding myself with that rubbish. I liked it because I was protecting something. Something that mattered more to me than anything had in a long time, maybe even ever.

  “What cologne do you wear?” she asked, switching out my notebook for hers so she could enter my information into the computer.

  What a good protector I was, I didn’t even realize she was next to me until she spoke. I stood by my earlier statement: she messed with my head.

  “I don’t wear cologne,” I replied, curious as to what I smelled like. “Maybe it’s my detergent,” I suggested.

  “No, that’s not it,” she said, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth. The asshole side of me wanted to do it for her, and my mind briefly wandered to what it would be like to take her lip between my teeth, if she’d taste as sweet as I imagined she would. “It smells like smoke, leather, and cinnamon, maybe?”

  Pulling my sleeve to my face, I took a deep breath. Definitely no smoke, leather or cinnamon. “I just smell soap.”

  “Oh. Maybe it’s just me. It reminded me of something. I’m not sure what,” she said. Rather than moving back to her seat, she lingered beside me, staring at the notebook in her hands. “Say ‘Fancy your biscuits in the closet, love?’”

  The crate I was holding went crashing onto my foot, and I let out a low grunt, leaning my forehead against the wall. Where did she hear that? My mum’s voice echoed in my mind.

  “Oh, no!” Catalina yelled. “Your foot.”

  “It’s fine,” I said sliding it out of her reach. While my body ached for even the smallest of contact with her, my mind knew better. “Where did you hear that phrase?”

  “I don’t really know,” she said, seeming confused and embarrassed. “A dream, maybe?”

  “Fancy your biscuits in the closet, love?” I whispered. It hurt in ways I didn’t think imaginable. My parents were something I hadn’t had the luxury to think about in a while. I was dead, and it had been easier to just let them go. Like they’d let me go.

  “Dammit,” she said, rubbing her palms hard against her eyes. “I’m sorry. I’ve been a little off since my accident.”

  “I can tell,” I replied. I needed to remember my plan. She needed to stay in the dark, and the dark meant away from me.

  “Thanks,” she said, rolling her eyes and walking back to her desk, looking sufficiently annoyed with me. I hated that I was causing her to feel that.

  Catalina sank into her chair, her forehead creasing in the middle. She gave me a few questioning glances that I ignored, before she resigned herself to whatever internal debate she was having.

  This had become our norm: I started the day off pleasant enough, and every time she tried to start a non-work-related conversation, I took a step back, putting a brick in the wall between us. What I didn’t count on was the fact that she knew how to use a sledgehammer. For every brick that went up, she knocked two down. I feared that soon she would start asking questions I couldn’t answer. Well, not the answers she was looking for, at least.

  It had been about a week since I started working with her, and Guides were becoming more and more abundant. They swarmed around her like moths to a flame. Only, it was more like she was bright as the sun—there were that many. Having to sleep was putting a damper on my nighttime vigils outside her house. I could usually make it until two or three a.m. before I had to find somewhere to crash so I could get a few hours in. At first, I’d felt comfortable enough to sleep in her yard, but I wasn’t as confident in my abilities to remain unseen lately.

  My body and my mind were feeling the effects of being human. Sleep deprivation is not something I’d missed.

  Last night was a bad night. Not only had the Guides congregated outside her house, but Meddlers appeared as well. Meddlers worked for Chaos and thrived on causing things to go haywire. Their presence here made me uneasy. Well, more so than I already was. It meant that it wouldn’t be long before Tori and Max, Chaos incarnate, were speaking. If they weren’t already. It was only a matter of time before she summoned me for questioning.

  Finally, around six a.m., when her light came on, I headed off to take a shower and change.

  Catalina was in her office when I dragged my protesting body through the doors and sagged into Seline’s chair. Her eyes lifted from her screen, momentarily widening, before she went back to her computer.

  “You look like shit.”

  “You sure know the way to a man’s heart, don’t you?” I asked, knowing my sarcasm was weak at best.

  “The quickest way to a man’s heart is a sharp knife.” She rolled her eyes and smiled a little.

  Involuntarily, I grinned a little—the things she said sometimes made me forget myself.

  “Rough night?”

  “You could say that. Didn’t get a lot of sleep.”

  She appraised me for a second, looking torn. What I wouldn’t give to hear her thoughts.

  “I think I slept awkwardly,” I added.

  “I’ll be right back,” she said, and left the room.

  Attempting to relieve some of the muscle pain, I massaged my neck and lower back. I needed an ally—that was what I needed. I couldn’t do twenty-four-seven security detail on my own. Not outside her house, at least. I already had one bullet hole in my body; I didn’t need Gavin to give me another.

  Catalina returned with a steaming mug of hot coffee. She set it on the desk in front of me, along with a tube of ointment, and two blue pills.

  “The coffee is to wake you up, the pills a
re Aleve, and the tube is Icy Hot,” she informed when I raised my eyebrows in question. “They will help with your muscle pains. Do you want me to help you with the Icy Hot on your back?”

  “No, I got it. Thanks,” I replied. I wanted her to help me, there were few things that I wanted more than to have her hands all over me. It’d been a long time since someone tried to take care of me, and—being my luck—I had to decline it.

  Her face held a little hurt. It was still early in the day; I could afford to be a little nicer now.

  I grabbed her hand before she got too far away. “Thank you, really.”

  “Yep,” she said, giving my hand a little squeeze and walking quickly out the door.

  Ah, it was gonna be a deliciously hellish day.

  Lina 15

  Every morning was a roll of the dice. Was I going to get Mean Telor or Nice Telor? More often than not, I got Mean Telor. I couldn’t explain his mood swings; it was like he forgot he was supposed to be a jerk and remembered halfway through the day. It was all an act—I knew it. A small part of my mind could see right through it.

  Despite it, though, I found myself drawn to him every chance I got. Every morning, I got to work earlier and earlier. One reason was to avoid Gavin. It had been three weeks since I’d agreed to date Gavin. And for three weeks, I felt more and more like the fake that I was. But I was also a coward. That was why it had gone on this long.

  The second reason was that Telor came in early every morning, too. We sat in the office, drank our coffee, and enjoyed the comfortable silence. For those thirty minutes, I felt like I could breathe, like there wasn’t this weight bearing down on me. It had easily become my favorite part of the day.

  Speak of the devil. I held my breath as he walked in, wondering what Telor I was getting.

  “Good morning,” he said, as he walked to his desk and tossed me a smile.

  Looks like I’m feeling lucky today.

  The day dragged on and on. It was only noon and I felt like it should be at least three already. Probably because the docent was out sick, so I was stuck giving tours. And giving tours equaled no Telor.

  As I led the last group out, I flipped the sign to “Self-guide” and attempted to sneak back downstairs. I made it twenty feet before the bell at the front desk dinged. Pasting what I hoped would pass for a friendly smile on my face, I turned back to the desk.

  “Hi, welcome to Saebo—” I started to say and stopped. Good thing I put a smile on my face. “Gavin. Hey…what are you doing here?”

  “I came to surprise you,” he said, wrapping his arms around me and swinging me around. “I feel like we haven’t spent any time together in the last few days.”

  That’s because we haven’t. “I know.”

  “Do you want to go to lunch?” he asked, his voice hopeful.

  Ah! Fight or flight, fight or flight. I’d never been much of a fighter and was scared of heights.

  “Sure, let’s get lunch. I’ll buy,” I said, because I was a coward. His face lit up with his All-American smile. Dear God, I was going to end up marrying him just so I wouldn’t have to break his heart.

  We ended up at Giovanni’s, a little deli across the street from the new courthouse. We spent the better part of lunch chitchatting about work and switching fabric softener because the one we currently had made his uniforms smell too girly. I tried to stay interested and failed miserably. My mind was on getting back to work, and he knew it.

  He didn’t mention it, but we both knew that I wasn’t mentally there for lunch. On the walk back to the museum, he took my hand and laced our fingers together. Forcing myself not to yank it away, I took a couple deep lungs of icy air.

  Telor was coming back from lunch as we reached the stairs out front. He was studying a flyer or something in his hand, not paying any attention to what was right in front of him. My first instinct was to rip my hand out of Gavin’s; like we were a couple of teenagers being caught making out. Instead, I tugged Gavin quickly up the stairs and through the door.

  “Thank you for coming to see me,” I said quickly. I wanted him to leave and now. I knew it was unreasonable, but it felt wrong for Telor to see me with Gavin. “I’ll see you at home.”

  “You’re very welcome,” he said, wrapping one arm around my waist and the other hand tangling in my hair. “I’ll see you tonight.”

  When he kissed me, my mind screamed for me to stop. I pushed him away gently. “I’m at work.”

  “Right.” He was disappointed. “Then I’ll see you later.” And with a last peck on my cheek, he left.

  I literally almost sagged against the wall in relief. That was until I saw Telor standing in the doorway. I had been certain he would use the side door. His jaw was set in a firm line, and his arms were crossed over his chest. Hurt flashed across his face, before it changed to a smirk.

  “Does lover boy know you're just not that into him?” he asked, making a wide circle around me to get to the hallway.

  So much for Nice Telor today.

  “What are you talking about?” If it was that obvious to Telor, then it must be obvious to Gavin.

  “I mean, you're stringing this poor sap along, and you don't even like him.”

  I opened my mouth to rip into him for being such a douchebag, but he held his hand up to stop me.

  “Sure, he’s a friend. But that’s all he is. That look you had on your face when he kissed you? That wasn’t a look of enjoyment. It was a look begging him to get back into the little platonic bubble you’d put him.”

  How had Gavin not noticed yet? If Telor could spout this off after only a couple encounters, then Gavin had to know. Right? Of course he did. But being Gavin, he was giving me time to sort things out. Jesus, how oblivious could I be? What was worse was that everything Telor said was true. Every single word of it.

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I retorted. No need to let him know he was dead-on. “You don’t know anything about me or him, and you definitely don’t know anything about our relationship.”

  “Your face told me everything I needed to know about your ‘relationship’ with him.” He laughed, continuing to the stairs. “Do him a favor, cut him loose. I’m sure there are girls lining up around the block to take your place. He won’t be lonely long.”

  If he had been closer, I would have thrown something at him. Why did he even care? This was really none of his business. But that didn’t change the fact that he was correct. I needed to think about this with a clear head. What I really needed was for quitting time to roll around a lot sooner than usual.

  Unfortunately, the day seemed to know I was willing it to hurry up, because it slowed down. The hours dragged on, until finally I was able to haul myself home.

  Today, though, I waited outside a little longer. My night was only going to get worse the moment I opened the door, and I wanted to prolong the blissful silence of the porch for just a little while longer.

  My options…continue this with Gavin, even though I was obviously not feeling anything, and see where it went. Or try to explain things to him now and attempt to salvage a small scrap of our friendship. Though, my gut was telling me that it might be too late for that.

  Suddenly, I was certain that if I were to turn around, someone would be right behind me. It was crazy, but for some reason lately I was feeling eyes on me wherever I went.

  So much for stalling.

  Swallowing hard, I opened the door. Not hearing anything, I wondered if Gavin was even here. I closed the door quietly behind me and peeked into the kitchen. Empty. Moving to the living room, I saw him stretched out on the couch, his arm over his eyes. The too-small afghan from the back of the couch was covering only his torso.

  “How was your day?” he asked, startling me. I thought he was sleeping.

  “It was just okay.” I moved his feet and sat on the other end of the couch.

  “Lina, baby,” Gavin said, still sprawled out on the couch, “what’s going on?”

  “What do you
mean?”

  “You’ve been acting so different since your accident and even weirder since you went back to work,” he said. “If something is wrong, you need to tell me. I can’t fix what I don’t know.”

  “You can't fix everything,” I answered. That was Gavin through and through. He was a fixer. He had the need to make everything better. And…for the most part I allowed it. Normally, I was more than happy to let him fix things for me while I sat on the sidelines.

  “You need to tell me what’s going on!” he demanded again. He was getting frustrated. I could see it in the way he was fighting to keep his face neutral. “Is work becoming too much for you? I talked to Seline yesterday—”

  “You did what? You talked to her again?” I asked, getting to my feet. “Why would you do that? I specifically told you not to.”

  “Because I’m worried about my girlfriend, maybe?” he said, incredulously. “Or maybe because you’re my best friend, and I care about you? I don’t want to argue about this.”

  We were about to argue about a whole lot more than his interference with my job.

  “You can’t just go talking to my boss whenever you feel like it.” I tried to rein in my temper. “I’m an adult, and if I want to work for fourteen hours a day, I’ll do it. I thought I made that clear the last time we discussed this. I don’t go marching into the station when you’re there for hours upon hours.”

  “That’s different,” he said.

  “How?” I asked, crossing my arms over my chest. “Because your job is more important than mine?”

  “I didn’t say that.” His voice wavered on the edge of defensiveness.

  “You’re not denying it, either.”

  “I worry about you,” he said, trying to placate me.

  “You’re a cop, Gav,” I said through clenched teeth, so much for keeping my temper to a minimum. “You could get shot every day. You think I don’t worry? I do. But I don’t go raising hell about it.”

  We were both silent, staring at each other. His face had words written all over it, but he didn’t voice any of them.